Beyond Survival: Voices of Healing – Sean

It’s been a journey it’s been a
progression. There’s been a lot of really, really, really low lows and there’s been
several highs. Healing from trauma it’s been continuous learning. You know how
its shaped my brain and and it’s been a five year process of rewiring really my
brain to think differently about myself, to think differently about the world
around me, to think differently about what is safe, and what is dangerous. I’ve
gone through lots of therapists. different modalities. different kinds of
treatments. which has been really important for me to try everything and
figure out what works and what doesn’t. If it doesn’t I don’t do it anymore;
and if it works I do it. My dogs have been an incredible part of
my healing journey. I got my dog Lucy; she was just just like sad little thing. She
was skinny and balding and she was scared of everyone. And I like, I got to
help her heal. And that was surprisingly very important for me; to
have something or someone that I could put a lot of love into. That I could
love when I felt like I didn’t love myself. I think that sexual abuse can
leave you feeling worthless, it can leave you feeling I mean, just completely void
of value. And to be able to be needed by someone, even if that someone was a dog, was very important for me. I mean like I said it literally saved my life. I don’t
think I would be here today if it wasn’t for my dog Lucy and the work that I have
been able to do; just volunteering or just throwing myself into that
world was really important. Well all in all we’ve fostered 51
animals. I’m proud of what we have accomplished; and a lot of them have come
to us scared, broken, unsure of the world, not understanding that they’re
safe. Through, you know, working with a lot of these animals that really needed help
I was able to see kind of how I hoped my journey would look.
You know they maybe could make a turnaround in four months.
Not quite the story for me, but you know, I’m on my way. You know it’s something I
didn’t really realize when I was younger but music has always been an escape for
me. You know a lot of times you know when you’re actually going through the trauma
your body’s kind of always on high alert. And so you don’t realize that you need
an escape; but for me music is forever. For as long as I can remember has been
that escape for me. It was like my therapy when I didn’t know that I needed
therapy. When music gave me the opportunity to feel everything I wanted
to feel that wasn’t safe to feel or stay with my words. And I still use it like
that; I mean if I am feeling really strong emotions I would much rather go
sing about it and use that as my way to invite people into what I’m feeling. You know things have changed in my life;
I met my wife Sarah, and she’s someone who I would do absolutely anything for.
Each step I’ve taken to find healing has been completely with her in mind and our
marriage in mind. This last year my wife gave me a painting of Van Gogh’s
wheat field and cypresses. Not a painting that I ever thought that I would want,
but has become my favorite gift that I’ve ever received and will forever be
my favorite gift that I’ve ever received. She gave it to me with this note that
says if “I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat
even if it looks like grass at first” and THAT is what I would want anyone who
watches this to know; that if you feel like you could ever be worth something
ever – you’re worth that right now.

1 thought on “Beyond Survival: Voices of Healing – Sean

  1. Thanks for this beautiful video. I'm a survivor and messages like this are inspiring. It was not our fault. We're not alone. Healing is possible. Deep respect.

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